Katrina O’Neil stands in front of the camera describing the events of a 2016 softball game at Riverside Park that changed her life.
She just finished legging out a triple and turned to the batters box to encourage her teammate to do one better.
Moments later, she collapsed.
Face down in the dirt she went into cardiac arrest. Teammates rushed to her side and performed CPR before an ambulance whisked her away to the emergency room at Cambridge Memorial Hospital.
But the truth is, she doesn’t remember any of it, or anything from the ages of 15 to 29 when the incident occured for that matter.
“It’s all a second hand account of what people told me happened,” O’Neil said.
When she awoke from a three week coma, she thought she was a 15-year-old back in high school in New Brunswick.
It’s like a story out of a movie, but it’s all too real and something the former Hespeler resident deals with on a daily basis as she tries to rebuild her life.
The incident and her journey has been chronicled by good friend Robert Gow in a documentary titled Losing Yourself.
When her three kids, one, seven and ten at the time, would visit her in the hospital thankful to see that their mother was pulling through, O’Neil would look at them puzzled.
“I knew my mom but it was hard to understand her because she was saying I had three children but in my mind I was in high school,” she said.
“It was a very sad and angry time to be honest with you. I didn’t believe what anyone was saying, everyone around me was saying they were close to me and to trust them but it was contradicting what I remembered.”
Doctors gave her no real explanation why years of her memory was lost other than the fact a lack of oxygen and physical trauma from a fall can have profound impacts on the brain.
Months of rehab followed that included memory games but O’Neil would dwell on the years lost and who she used to be, memories doctors told her may, or may not ever return.
As one can imagine, an experience like the one she went through can take its toll. Feeling she couldn’t confide in people, she began to distance herself.
Her home in Ontario didn’t feel the same and she decided to move back to New Brunswick in 2018. It was a decision that changed her life again.
“I got a job back at the pizza place I worked at in high school,” she said.
“Ontario felt strange to me. Moving to New Brunswick changed my perspective on life. I was more accepting of the fact that this is real and that I have to deal with it. I just moved on. You get defeated when you try so hard to remember.”
Gow first met O’Neil through a sports team he joined that she was the captain of.
One night while out for drinks she told him about her story and what had happened. It stuck with him and he eventually decided to ask if she’d be willing to share it with the world.
“It was jaw dropping,” Gow said.
“I’ve done a few documentaries in the past and I’m used to hearing mind blowing stories but you’d never know she went through something like this. She’s totally sharp and quick witted.”
The process of filming reinforced what Gow already knew about his friend.
“On a personal level, it shows how resilient she is. How hard she was willing to push. To me the film is an uplifting story, it's not just about the pain but it's about her being able to get through it.”
O’Neil emphasizes she wasn’t able to get through it alone. She credits her friends and family, especially her three children, for their patience and never giving up on her.
Some say the key to happiness is living in the moment. It’s a sentiment O’Neil now takes to heart, not necessarily by choice but circumstance.
“What’s next is exciting but also very scary because you get it in your head that this could happen again at anytime so its hard to plan,” she said.
“I invest myself in all moments and give 150 per cent of me in everything. I don't really say no to things anymore because I don't want to pass up anything. I’m excited for what’s coming in the next five minutes and want to enjoy that. Every moment matters.”
The documentary can be viewed on Youtube or on the Accessible Media website ami.ca.
